What I Did On Spring Vacation
And more importantly: what I did not
When I considered my birthday, what I really wanted to do was nothing… and not feel bad about it.
It’s something I struggle with regularly. The idea that I can sit down and relax without letting myself feel the pressure that I should be cleaning my apartment, or checking my email, or writing, or otherwise being productive; even if I’m running on almost no sleep or very sick. I just can’t allow myself a respite at home. However, I have managed to chill out on vacation, especially at the beach.
I last travelled like this in September for my anniversary trip with my partner. That doesn’t seem so long ago, but these past seven months have been their own lifetime. My boss quit! Max moved to London! America somehow re-elected Donald Trump! Plus a whole lot else.
Maybe it wasn’t so crazy that I needed to get away from everything, at the very least to process.
Travelling for my birthday has actually become a newer tradition in my family. In 2023 and 2024, I went with my parents to Bermuda, an archipelago of British Overseas Territory islands 643 miles off the coast of North Carolina. Both vacations got interrupted by my job. Calls from a supervisor who couldn’t open Excel, texts from colleagues freaking out over office drama. These holidays were also short, so even if I hadn’t been chained to my inbox, I didn’t have enough distance from daily life to truly disconnect. I knew this year I needed something different, more drastic. Eight nights, nine days at the St. Regis in St. George’s, the island’s oldest parish, seemed as though it could do the trick.
On previous visits to Bermuda, I’ve gone exploring. Snorkelling in Turtle Cove on a glass bottom boat. Sunset dinner on a pink sand beach (one of the island’s trademark attractions). Browsing shops at the Navy Pier and along Front Street in the capital city of Hamilton. Wading in the water of Tobacco Bay. I would recommend these things to first-time visitors. But I did none of it this past week.
The singular item on my to-do list was to unwind. It’s why I changed my work email password to one of those challenging, Google-generated ones to assure I wouldn’t be able to remember it. It’s the reason I packed half a dozen books and bikinis with little else. I had even contemplated leaving my phone back in New York, knowing my mom would undoubtedly have hers if I really needed to reach someone. I decided not to go that far because I love snapping photos, but I did choose to keep the device in Airplane Mode as I arrived at the resort, settled into a lounge chair, and took in a deep breath of beach air, ready for relaxation.
I’m a week into my mission of staying away from all things stressful. So far, it’s gone pretty well.
I’ve read books that have sat on my shelf forever. I’ve sipped frozen drinks—both alcoholic and not—and nodded off in the sun. I’ve taken the kind of long bubble baths where instead of getting out when the water turns cold, you add some hot to keep the comfort flowing. Max has FaceTimed me in the late afternoon only to find I’m in the same spot where he saw me that morning: poolside with a smile on my face. Slowly, the perpetual pain in my temples has dissipated. The knots in my shoulders are loosening, too.
I have also indulged in my favorite vacation past-times. Long swims. Overpriced meals. Coming up with creative nicknames for the more frequently seen guests. Loud Guy and Muscle Man and Woman With Too Many Children. My birthday fell on Easter this year, so it overlapped with the school spring break crowds. That’s led to less peace than I would’ve liked, though it’s taken nothing from the beautiful setting overall.
Of course my behavior hasn’t been perfect. I dipped into Slack; mostly to clear out boring notifications and to check on the latest Office Space-esque chaos (someone lost the master keys; probably in a box packed for the office move). I discussed work with my mom, and occasionally thought about it when I knew I shouldn’t. My hours on Instagram are also likely double what would be ideal after letting myself do too much “compare and despair” with influencer girlies. This is far less of my day job than has ever entered my vacation days before, and yet I still wish it were closer to nothing. That I could figure out a way to really lock up that room of my brain, to lose that key with the rest of the set. At least until I’m back on U.S. soil.
My other big failure is that while I have found a way to let a little work worm its way into my daydreams, I haven’t thought much about the bigger picture questions I told myself I’d use this trip to consider. Namely what direction my life should take the rest of the year, if not longer. Letting this idea enter my brain has felt as overwhelming as standing on the shore and contemplating how to swallow the ocean whole. Probably because it is that big of a deal.
Part of this reluctance is because these are huge ideas that would scare anyone. The other part is simply that for the first time in forever my head truly feels clear. And that feels good. I don’t want to let it go quite yet.
For the next few days, I’m going to try to embrace the sensation. I’ll let my mind be grounded in the here and now as much as possible. To stop doom scrolling social media. To try as hard as I can to prevent me from wandering into worries. The only place my brain is allowed to go other than the current moment, of course, is into the world of my novel-in-progress, where it has actually dipped and brought me some good ideas as of late. Perhaps if I can keep up this feel good thing, I might manage to get those nuggets of wisdom into the actual draft.
Until then…
Rachel’s Weekly Recs:
Retro Kid is a throwback Canadian brand, making merch featuring 90s characters. From The Magic School Bus to the Berenstain Bears, they’ve got apparel and accessories celebrating your childhood TV show besties. My favorite is obviously their Arthur collection.
If you’re looking for a new Spring cocktail to try, I highly recommend shaking up a Rum Swizzle. The national Bermudian drink is simple: fruit juice, grenadine, and of course two kinds of rum. Pour one out and close your eyes to pretend you’re at the beach.
Yesterday was the release of Emily Henry’s new book, and Saturday marks Independent Bookstore Day. Why not celebrate both by picking up Great Big Beautiful Life at your local indie? Some of my top picks include Books Are Magic, Grand Gesture Books, and All She Wrote.